Wednesday, April 2, 2014

It has been awhile...

   It has been way too long since I have written a blog post. Mostly because I'm always afraid of what to say publicly about my personal struggles. To be honest, it's probably out of fear, fear of what folks will think.  But often we say "Why should we care what others think?", should we? I certainly don't have that answer, although I can offer this, I think, at times we should care. Why? My best answer is that you never know who is watching, mostly meaning your social media accounts. It could be your former, current, or future supervisor.  Also your family, they may not post an update daily, but know they are there.  They don't spy but they will worry when you are down, not having a good day.  We do tend, at times, to form impressions of people based a lot on who root for in all sorts of sports.  Examples: Yankees' and Cowboys' fans can be obnoxious and loud. I can say that previous statement because I'm a part of those fan bases.  Sure I do and can get that way on occasion. I will touch briefly on another delicate issue and that is politics, social media acquaintances tend to form an opinion of you if you lean right, left or in the middle.  I can tell you I lean right majority of the time but that doesn't mean I am a "Phobe" of any sort or hateful.  Is it fair to assume about others?  Probably not, but are we not human after all? Guess what?  We all have those points in time, that bring about feelings of enviousness, it is ok? In most instances, presumably not. 

    My final thoughts today will revolve around the struggles I face with endometriosis. In case you don't know the definition of endometriosis is where the cells from the lining of the uterus appear and flourish outside of the uterine cavity. It occurs in 6-10% of women, stat is from Wikipedia. There is also no cure for it.  My husband and I have moved within the last six months to a different state. Therefore leading me to find a new doctor to treat me. Thankfully I have found a reputable one but currently don't have insurance nor the funds to see a doctor. The pain from the disease has recently gotten worse. When that time comes, it seems like there is not enough ibuprofen to take care of it. So what do I do?  Many suggest going to the emergency department at a local hospital for some relief. I will not do it for several reasons. The first one is the bill, how will I pay it? The second reason is many women with endometriosis go to the ER and they are not treated properly. Meaning that they are met with the notion, at times, they are pill seekers and drug abusers. Side note: to my friends who work in health care I know you don't feel this way! One of the worst feelings is being in pain and struck down by a doctor or a nurse. The mental anguish taken from that is indescribable. Lastly what do you do now? You can't afford to follow up with a doctor. You need surgery but financially you are strapped. I have found lately that I hide a lot of my pain from everyone, I mean everyone. Why? To not feel like a burden to anyone.  Let's face it, not everyone is in the mood, on occasion to hear how much you are in pain.  Yes they care, I am not denying that at all. This disease affects women both physically and mentally. Growing up, I assumed I was just being a wuss. After all I was told "you have a small frame is why your cramps are so bad" (I was under 5ft and always under 100 pounds till I was about 19). That feeling that something was indeed wrong, never left me.  When I was finally diagnosed part of me felt redemption the other part was the shock there really is something wrong with your body and it is permanent. In the coming months I went to the ER frequently, walking out with "it is your endometriosis doing this to you".  Fast forward to now, I will not go for reasons I gave above, as well as walking out with the same diagnosis I came in with. Scary? I think so, what if I am too stubborn to go when others feel there is something else wrong other than the endometriosis?  Some will say it is better to be safe than sorry, but then comes the financial toll along with the emotional toll.  Side note to that last statement: When you don't pay your medical bills, your credit score suffers, some employers will even run your credit before they hire you, so it may affect your ability to get a good job.  So endometriosis pretty runs the life of a woman who suffers from it.  My advice to those who have a loved one with the disease is patience.  Yes she will cancel plans at the last minute because of her pain, don't blame her for this. If you roll your eyes or mock her you do not deserve her presence, plain and simple.  More than likely she wants to be there for and/or with you but her body simply will not cooperate. In closing just remember the woman with endometriosis needs what support you can give her, in time she will return the favor.  



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